Double Dating
by amidoh
Summary: Rating may go up. Silva is not feeling himself as the result of a vicious unprovoked attack from a Manta lookalike. Karimu requests Yoh help him. What he didn't bargain for were gay shamans, Patch Tribe lurve and one huge spirit gang bang. (LOTS of slash)


Disclaimer: I do not own any of the Shaman King characters. Unfortunately. For you, because I have some excellent ideas for episodes evil smirk

**Dedication:** This story is dedicated to my wonderful friend Kiran, who I managed to get interested in Shaman King. Not being entirely sane, she began calling spirit form "Morty Ball mode", as she said to me "Geez, that bouncy blue ball with the earrings and the funny hair looks like Morty!". She was, of course, referring to Amidamaru.

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The sun floated high above the Asakura residence, which was strangely silent inside. There were no teenage boys hitting inanimate objects (and often each other) with strange glowing weapons. There was no yelling or screaming in a girl's voice. There were no 600-year dead ghosts floating absentmindedly around or relaxing on the roof.

Therefore, the logical conclusion, it was not a normal day.

Yoh's eyelids drooped. It was a hot sunny day, he was tired and Anna was out. Three excellent reasons to have a nap.

Of course, in the fanfiction world, nothing is ever that simple.

And, of course, he reasoned without the Oracle Bell, which was positioned conveniently close to his ear.

A loud ringing sound signified an incoming call on the oracle bell and Yoh almost launched himself into orbit. After he had recovered slightly and his heartbeat had slowed down from critical, he glared suspiciously at the small innocent looking device, which told him that Silva was trying to call him.

"Hello?" Yoh asked grumpily, getting ready to hang up. Poor Silva hadn't quite been sane ever since an apparent unexpected attack by a short blond boy, who had hit him repeatedly with a dictionary and bitten him on the knee. Yoh had confronted Manta about this, but Manta insisted that he didn't know anything.

"No, Silva, I would _not_ like to buy your old socks, even if they are half price." Yoh said in his "talking – to – idiots" voice. "look, just piss off, will you? And tell your bird that I do not drink out of the toilet. What? Oh, just... no, Silva. _Goodbye"_

Yoh shook his head grouchily. Just after Silva's "accident", Karimu had thought it would be funny to give the number to Yoh's oracle bell to the recovering loon. Silva kept contacting Yoh and asking him to purchase the strangest assortment of things. It was vaguely unnerving.

Out of the corner of his eye he saw a boy of about his age, a little older maybe, with indigo hair styled up in a spike walk past. Of course Tao Ren lived with him now (it made the dating much easier. Yoh always got quite pissy when he had to go to China to pick Ren up whenever they wanted to see a movie)

Yoh and Ren had the strangest relationship. It consisted mostly of Ren poking Yoh with his Kwan Dao and giggling hysterically, but in the recent weeks it had intensified so that the couple were actually going on normal dates (to the cinema or local takeaway) instead of using each other for target practise.

"Hey!" Ren called, spotting Yoh. "What's happening?"

"Silva's rebooking at the Happy Home." Yoh shurgged. Ren rolled his eyes.

"You know that's not what I meant. I was wondering where Anna is. And Amidamaru and Bason, I haven't seen them around for a while."

"Anna's out." Yoh's mouth twisted into a half-smirk. "and you really have to ask about Amidamaru and Bason? What do you _think_ they're doing?"

Ren's mouth made an "s" shape.

"Thank you for that mental image, Yoh." He said at last, scowling at Yoh's insolent grin. "I really need to have a second encounter with lunch."

After Ren and Yoh had finally decided that love at first sight was called "hatred", Amidamaru and Bason had become very close, closer than they were on the journey Yoh had undertaken to rescue Ren and Jun from their father, En.

Ren had once accidentally walked in on Amidamaru and Bason having a "bonding session" and the trauma had been so much that Anna actually had to do the Kiss of Life. After that, Yoh had requested that the two spirits hang a sign on the door whenever they were having "time" together.

It was almost poetic. Bason, a great and respected Chinese warrior, killed in battle still wearing full armour, and Amidamaru, shunned throughout history as a renegade samurai who betrayed his shogun, executed by command after bringing down most of his attackers, wearing no armour apart from the guards on his arms, shins and shoulders. They were almost exact opposites (basically, everything was opposite apart from they were both male).

Yoh was happy that Amidamaru had found happiness in death, while Ren couldn't really give a toss what Bason thought.

Speaking of Amidamaru and Bason – the two of them had just floated out of the window of Yoh's bedroom on the second floor. Yoh blinked – if they had been doing _that_ in _there_ then he would seriously have to think about relocating their body parts.

There were joyous cries of "Master Yoh" and "Master Ren" from each shaman's respective spirit as the two shards of reality glided over to their friends (or in Bason's case, the person he felt a ridiculous amount of loyalty towards). Yoh inched away from the two scarily happy ghosts.

"What have you been doing in my room?" He asked when they gave him questioning looks. Both blushed.

"...never mind." Yoh concluded as Amidamaru turned the interesting shade of a ilvery haired beetroot. "I don't want to know, do I?"

Ren raised an eyebrow as both spirits shook their heads furiously. If_ he _had asked, the response would have been a giggle, a shove, and then a graphic explanation of how they shagged each other's brains out, but Yoh somehow took all the fun out of being both gay and dead. It was unnerving.

"What interests me" he began neutrally, "is why you chose to do it in Yoh's room."

There was the predictable giggle from Amidamaru, the elbow nudge from Bason. Ren waited politely as the ghosts controlled themselves.

"Well," Amidamaru explained, as Bason may have been uncomfortable confessing to Ren about his dirty mind. "We've already used every other room in the house."

Yoh watched as Ren turned an interesting shade of green at the thought of the two horny ghosts using his room to... do their business in and decided to take pity on the other shaman.

"Could you limit yourselves to not using our bedrooms?" He asked. "It's disturbing. Use the garden or something."

Bason brightened up.

"Now, there's an idea!" He said, throwing an amiable arm around Amidamaru, who grinned mischievously.

"Great." Ren managed after he finished vomiting on the grass, "now look what you've done."

"Oh, Amidamaru." Bason said in a falsetto voice (quite hard for him) "impale me on your long sword!"

Both of the warriors dissolved in fits of helpless laughter while Ren and Yoh stared sadly on at them.

"It's sad when a spirit loses his sanity, isn't it?" Ren asked offhandedly. Yoh nodded.

"Yes. Let's hope _we_ never end up like that."

"Frozen prawns!" Amidamaru cried suddenly, smacking his forehead. "I knew I'd forgotten something! I left the frozen prawns in Yoh's bed!"

He hurried off, leaving Ren and Bason pointedly trying to ignore the look of pure horror on the young shaman's face.

"_Frozen prawns?_" He spluttered indignantly. "What the _hell_ were you two _doing_?"

Bason was saved answering by a sheepish Amidamaru gliding back to them. The young shaman rolled his eyes, wisely letting the subject drop.

"There was a ding." Amidamaru said, earning "what-the-holy-flip" glances from the others. Bason sighed – he loved Amidamaru but the samurai could be a bit of a pillock sometimes. It must be from all those headwounds he received at his execution.

"What?" Yoh asked irritably.

"A ding." Amidamaru repeated. "At the doorbell."

"Well, go and get the door, then!" Yoh snapped. All chances of his getting a quick nap had been ruined and he was not a happy chappy.

"But -"

"_Go and get the door!_"

Amidamaru disappeared again, shoulders slumped. There was a crash and Yoh blanched, realising how literal Amidamaru was.

"DON'T GET THE DOOR! DON'T GET THE DOOR! ANNA WILL _KILL_ ME!" He yelled, running like hellfire into the house after his spirit. Ren and Bason exchanged glances and took off after him.

All three bumped into Amidamaru, who was happily carrying the remains of the door. The samurai dumped the splintered wood on top of Yoh.

"Here's the door, Yoh."

"Thanks, Amidamaru." Yoh snarled, but Amidamaru missed the sarcasm. Bason's hand moved in front of his mouth and he tried not to laugh as he helped Yoh out from underneath the door, while Ren looked at the short boy who was still waiting to be let in.

"Is he ok?" Manta asked, his head inclining towards Amidamaru.

"Yeah." Yoh grunted. "He always seems to be worse after he and Bason get to it." Asakura shot a venomous look at Bason, who had the decency to look ashamed.

"O...kay..." Manta said, staring distastefully at the spirits. Ghosts were scary. Horny ghosts who played with kinky leather clothing (he had found some in his room) were just plain weird.

"What do you want?" Ren asked sullenly. He was in a pissy mood. Possibly because Amidamaru and Bason had so much fun, but the kinkiest thing Yoh would do was to say "my my, is that a Kwan Dao in your pocket or are you just pleased to see me?"

"I just got a message from Karimu." Manta shrugged, indicating a tall parcel outside. The parcel was wriggling and making muffled exclamations, causing all present to stare at it strangely.

"What does _he_ want?" Yoh asked, eyeing the package warily.

"Well, the message was mostly "kick me in the bollocks wouldya, yu fuck ya, you're dead meat you are so –ing _dead_ you tosser." I told him he'd got the wrong guy but he gave this to me," the short boy indicated the parcel, "and told me to get you guys to help because Silva's gone off the deep end. He's apparently worse than ever." Manta looked slightly guilty.

Ren prodded the package, jumping back slightly when it growled at him. He cautiously peeled off the sellotape and unwound the wrapping. His jaw literally bounced off the floor when the contents spilled out.

A rather pissed off Lee Pailong.

"What the -" Bason began in disbelief. Manta, Yoh and Amidamaru were just too shocked to speak.

"What?" Pailong snapped, staring at them staring at him. "Have you never seen an enraged zombie Kung Fu master before? Jesus, stop _staring_"

Everone except Ren stopped staring.

"Where's Jun?" the young Tao asked suspiciously. Pailong rolled his eyes.

"Trying to make Silva better. She got pissy when he kept offering to sell her weed so she decided to do something about. Something others than _buying_ the weed, that is. Silva seems to have an unlimited supply."

"He grows it." Yoh said, uncertain how he knew. "In his allotment round the back of the Megamart. He pretends he's growing cabbages."

Pailong stared at Yoh.

"And you know that_ how_?" He asked eventually. Yoh shrugged. "oooooooookay then. Anyway. Silva had a spaz attack and I tried to help Jun, but Karimu got pissy and tried to molest me, so I kicked him in the nuts. So he bundled me in wrapping paper and here I am. It was amusing; his voice went about three octaves higher."

"Yes, I noticed that." Manta commented thoughtfully. "But I assumed he was going to a fancy dress party, what with the bandages."

The others sweatdropped. Well, Pailong, Ren and Yoh sweatdropped. Amidamaru and Bason were otherwise engaged.

"Guys..." Manta whined, noticing them. "oh, no... guys... get a room... please? Don't do it here. I want to be able to sleep tonight, you know."

"Eh... sorry." Bason grinned sheepishly and let go of Amidamaru, who looked sulkily at the floor.

"So what does Karimu want us to do?" Yoh asked. Manta shrugged.

"Go help Silva, I guess. It's in your interests to help him, Yoh. He's supporting you _and_ he's refereed most of your matches _and_ he's on the Shaman council so he can manipulate the rules in your favour."

"Let's go!" Yoh said immediately, before realising that he didn't know where he was going.

"Where is Silva?"

Everyone looked at Pailong, who shook his head.

"Hell, I dunno, do I? I've been trapped in wrapping paper that says "happy fourth birthday" on it, I can't remember where Silva is!"

"God." Ren rolled his eyes exasperatedly, trying to ignore Amidamaru and Bason, who were at it again (kinky buggers). "Crap."

"Crap is an understatement." Yoh pointed out.


End file.
